Last night I watched “102 Minutes That Changed America” It reminded me how that day, and those right after, I was so confused. I was panicked. I was unsure of everything around me. The memories that flooded back while watching that last night were overwhelming. I remember the woman who collapsed on the street, screaming and crying. I remember my coworkers, seeing them in a way you never expect to see coworkers. They were afraid. They were sad. They were grateful to have someone with them to figure out the maze to get out of New York. I remember seeing the men and women, covered in dust and soot, with their shocked and stunned faces. Most were walking by themselves. Most didn’t want to talk.
That day really changed me. However, it is the days right after that changed me more. The shock passed, then reality hit. I went to work the next day. It was all I was sure of I guess. But, I left after a few hours. My boss, he showed up at work too. He did the same thing I did. Starred at things on his desk, then went home. On the way home is when I saw the first missing signs. The fathers and mothers, sons and daughters who went to work and didn’t come home.
I think TV is what made it even worse for everyone. The constant coverage. The faces of sons, daughters, husbands and wives, friends and families crying, searching, hoping their loved one wasn’t in those buildings when they collapsed. Watching the Firemen, Police, EMTs, and others working tirelessly to find people alive, including their friends and partners and siblings. We needed to see what was happening, I think we saw more than we were supposed to.
One day, maybe, I will be able to feel something more than complete sorrow and shock about that day and those days after. Maybe one day I will, but that isn’t today, and it won’t be tomorrow. To those of you I worked with, walked on the street with and hugged and cried with, I know you feel the same way I do.
Today marks the 57th anniversary of MAD Magazine. Well, today was the first day it was published back in 1952. I think I am going to go pick up a copy, you know, for old times sake. Maybe MAD’s Alfred E. Neuman is the greatest “self help” author of all time. He kind of looks like a modern day self help “guru” - Eckhart Tolle
Enjoy MAD, I know you probably have a few lying around the room right now.
This tantrum totally trivializes the tragic thoughts that they transpired to tell. Today this theory tests the typical teachings tendered to teenagers. Tomorrow they tell their tales to target tribes thought to tenant towards the top tier. Then the time ticks. Tell them to take time to think.
Today marks the second anniversary of the passing of one of my very best friends, Jimmy Lombardi. I remember being in my office and getting a phone call from his mother the day he died. I did not believe her. I could not believe her. I mean, this was Jimmy, the guy I just spoke with the night before. The guy I spent countless hours and days and years with. The guy who loved his son more than anything in the world. The guy who I considered my best friend. The week after his death is a blur. The viewing, the service, having to call Marie, his recently ex-girlfriend, all seems so surreal now.
Jimmy was the guy who would drop what he was doing to help his friends. The guy who always had his heart open. The guy who had his troubles, but don’t we all? From the day I met him at the Gaslight in Hoboken to our last time hanging out together, Jimmy was the perfect friend. For those of you who know the turbulent life Jimmy lead, you know he was a firecracker. But, none of that mattered, because he was my best friend, and I was there for him no matter what, as he was there for me. If he was here today, he would probably have kicked my butt for moving to LA.
___________________________
Jimmy,
Near the end of your life I think you needed me more than I gave. I want to say I am sorry. I am sorry I did not spend those extra nights hanging out with you. Sorry I yelled at you when you came into the barber shop when I was getting my hair cut. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you more that you were and still are a great friend who I loved and trusted, and now I miss you very much. Your friendship will always have a deep place in my soul. I will take you with me until my end. Until then, on every February 17th I will celebrate your birth and every football season I’ll hope the Cowboys win. Don’t worry, I will keep in touch with your mother and make sure she is doing ok, and I will cherish the friendship we had. Be well, yah Lil’ Bitch!
For those of you who know Kero One, you know he is an underground Hip Hop artist who, through his own dedication and hard work (talent too), has become a bit of a sensation in the world of Hip Hop. His single, self released in 2003 on his own label Plug Label, was discovered by a Japanese DJ. Soon, he was actually “Big in Japan”. After his initial success, Kero One continued to develop as an artist, releasing his first album, Windmills of the Soul, in 2005. This album won several awards including Best Hip Hop Album by Remix Magazine.
On April 9th Kero One releases his second album, Early Believers. It’s a definite homage to artists such as Q-Tip, Lupe Fiasco, and The Roots among others. You get the vibe of Kayne West with the intelligence of the Handsome Boy Modeling School. Flowing rhymes, smart stories, nerd references and a bit of “street cred” thrown in add to a groove all it’s own. Samples of Bossa Nova and dance grooves gives the album a party feel. You can hear Kero has developed an attraction to the muted notes of the Jazz guitar, adding them to each track. He collaborates with some great voices in Hip Hop, including Ohmega Watts from Brooklyn and Ben Westbeech from the UK.
Songs that stand out are “Keep Pushin’”, “Welcome to the Bay”, and the instrumentals “Song for Sabrina” and “On and On”. Pick up this album, enjoy.
I just went to get a cup of coffee and while sitting taking a nice relaxing sip, a man sitting across the way from me picked his nose. Now it wasn’t a scratch. It wasn’t to get at a little irritation. No, this was a dig for gold pick of the nose. And, he got what he wanted. He picked a large and slimey one that he held at the end of his finger, looked at, and then proceeded to wipe it on the bottom of the outside table.
A year ago this weekend I was still in Hoboken. By that time I knew I was coming here, and I had not even gone on vacation to the Dominican Republic. Life has truly changed since and I almost don’t want to fathom what it will be like one year from now. My grandmother turned 90 years old today. I spoke with her this morning before she went to my Aunt’s for a party. My whole family was there, or most of them at least. She is a mother, grandmother, great grandmother and great great grandmother. The things she has experienced make my 32 years seem like nothing. So, I can’t worry about how much has changed in this one year of my life. I can’t focus on the lost loves, the weird friendships, the bankrupt company, working from home, or missed entries in my “blog” even. I have to think about how this one year of my life will, as it is for my loving and wonderful grandmother, be only 1.1% of my life if I live to 90 years old. I have to look at the long term, big picture. It has been a great year.
Happy Birthday Grandmom! I love you very much and I hope to live as long as you have, and have as many grandchildren and great grandchildren and great great grandchildren as you do.
Tell me, what made you wait so long to write? I’ll say this, I was worried you had decided to go it alone. I remember what you have been and will be going through, and I am glad you have written to me again.
I’d like to tell you that everything happens for a reason, and where I stand today is your destiny. However, it’s like this, if I tell you what’s going to happen, who’s to say you don’t change it. If I can tell you one thing it is this: make sure you look out for yourself in this situation. Whatever happens, you need to make sure that you are moving forward. It is much better to be proactive then reactive, especially in this time of uncertainty.
Take a step back, look at your surroundings again. Though I can not tell you what the next couple of weeks hold, I do know that if you are self confident and keep a positive mental attitude, you will come out on top, no matter where you end up.
You don’t need to give me a run down of everything that has gone on since we last wrote, I remember. I don’t want you forget, you are the sum of all your experiences. Though this does not mean you are destined for a certain fate, meant to experience a certain event, or are travelling along a predetermined path.
All of your choices are yours and yours alone. So, maybe what you need to be looking for is an answer to the question “Why did I do this?” instead of “Why did this happen to me?” You chose to end your relationship, you chose to move to LA, you chose to continue to work for a company you knew was dealing with financial trouble, these events were not thrust upon you.
Have fun in Los Angeles, enjoy yourself and all the many opportunities there. Who knows, you may wind up living there for the rest of your life, or you may be back in New Jersey before you know it. Stand tall through your personal anxiety, stand tall through your companies troubles, stand tall in the good and the bad. When you do, you will come out taller in the end. Remember, your character is your value. If you invest in a strong, positive, compassionate and intelligent character nothing can stop you.
It has been too long since I last wrote you. I know you are very well aware of what I have been experiencing the last several months, but I felt it was time to reach out to you and seek some, if any, advice you can provide me. It is very confusing for me being here in Los Angeles while having the company that I came to work for declare Chapter 7 bankruptcy. That, along with an economy that seems to be out of control has provided me with, easily, weeks of sleepless nights. I think my body actually thinks it is OK to wake up at 3am every morning. I’m sure you’ll give me some reassurance that everything will be OK, but I guess I wish you could give me more than that. Can you? What does the next couple weeks hold for me? Will I have a job, or will I be searching for one in a town I have yet to truly accept as my own?
I’d love to give you a run down of everything that has gone on the last several months, maybe I shouldn’t have let my letters to you fall to the side as I dove head first into my move to Los Angeles. Maybe I was supposed to experience the dramatic changes in my life that have occurred in the last year. I break up with my long time girlfriend, I leave New York and New Jersey for Los Angeles, and my company declares Chapter 11, then Chapter 7 bankruptcy. But, what is it that I need to learn from all of this? What can I take from the experiences? If I was supposed to experience these dramatic changes, am I actually benefiting from it all?
Has everything been just happenstance? I mean, am I looking too deep into everything? Is it really just like finding the little coincidences and putting them together to tell a grand story? I know, I am asking you a lot of questions. I guess my hope is that you might provide me the answers I need. I know you can’t tell me everything. Maybe if you do, I’ll make sure you meet that girl you married. You did get married, didn’t you?
Well, that’s all I can say about that, but I do think we need to keep up the communication. Write soon, I need the advice.
Here I am, a month since the last time I wrote. I’d say it was because I was way too busy to sit down and write, but honestly I could have found time I guess. It has been an eventful month.
But, the main reason I write now is to say this:
Sprint is the worst phone company. As soon as I let my contract with them expire, and then I did not renew, I fell out of their favor.
I was a day late on my bill, I got a text message reminding me it was due. I thought this was ridiculous so I waited a couple more days and then they began to call me with an automated phone call to remind me payment was due. I got a total of 4 calls in one day. I paid the bill. Now, mind you, I have had sprint service for almost ten years, the same phone number. Not once when I was on a contract did I get harassed by Sprint. Sometimes I would get busy and be a couple days late paying the bill. (Which they seem to change the due date all the time) but I would never get a text or a phone call to “remind” me.
Also, the cost of my bill went up dramtically when my contract ended. Why? Because the “discounts” I had during my contract where set to expire at the end of the contract. I, however, can’t seem to find that anywhere on any contract. I got the discounts three years ago because I had to get a new phone after my old one took a crap, twice. When I got the new phone Sprint forced me to upgrade my service plan, but I didn’t want a new phone in the first place. So, anyway, I get the new phone, the set me up with the same costs as the old phone (which was only 4 months old when it crapped the second time) and all is well. Contract ends, my bill goes up by twenty plus dollars a month!
I figure this, they have you by the balls when you have a contract, but if you don’t have a contract they miss their grip on your balls and do anything they can to grab them again.
The weather was perfect, the sun was low in the sky, ready to set. My friends and I had set up our blankets, bought our wine, made vodka “sangria” and all gathered on Santa Monica beach, right south of the pier to see the first of the summer concert series on the pier. The beach was packed. Little kids to old couples all gathered to enjoy a perfect southern California evening.
When I got there I went and bought some more wine. I crossed the pier and found a booth where the “Surf Rider Foundation” was raffling off a brand new beach cruiser. I told myself I should buy a ticket, walked off and bought two bottles of overpriced wine and walked back to the beach. A little while later, I remembered the bike and told my friend Diana and her friend Frank, I have to go buy raffles tickets because I was going to win the bike. They laughed, and I ran off, buying ten of them for twenty bucks. The guy who sold them to me wished me luck, I told him I did not need it, I was going to win the bike tonight. By the time I came back down, almost everyone had arrived and the music started. We had great conversations, met cool new people, and drank a whole lot. I am not sure if we actually listened to the music, but I do know it was a night that made me truly fall for California.
My friend Ruben’s girlfriend, Bridget and I were sitting talking, and we both looked out at the beach, saw how happy everyone was and felt so happy ourselves, it made us both sit back and truly accept how wonderful it was that we were there at that moment. I guess you could say it was that moment I realized how happy I am to be here in Los Angeles. It has been only three months, but I finally felt at peace with my choice to come here, and it was an eye opening experience.
As the concert went on, we all kept partying, dancing and laughing. The concert ended, and my phone rang. “Hello”, I said. “Alex?”, said the person on the phone, “Where the hell are you? You won the bike!” I yelled, “Holy Shit, I won the bike!” and ran off, up the stairs and claimed my prize. When I got there the guy at the booth went, “Yo dude, you’re the guy who said he was going to win the bike!” I probably could not be happier. I picked up my bike, and ran back down to the beach, cheers from everyone I was with, and then, I had to ride it to my car. It is sitting in my dining room now.. waiting for the Fourth of July where I am joining my friends to ride around town in Venice and go to some parties.
The rest of the weekend was just as great, Friday night I went out with Bridget and her friends, then Ruben joined us, and we had a great night, especially because I saw what is probably the greatest pornographic painting known to man. Saturday I was in Hollywood seeing my co-workers band for his friend’s 30th birthday and Sunday I spent it at my pool and then in Venice at the “Beer Garden” and O’Brian’s..
I know all my weekends can’t be like this one, but I’ll tell you this, if only a few are I will be content.
The great thing about my job is I get to work with some really cool people. It can make some of the crap I deal with seem trivial. Yesterday I had probably the best metaphorical conversation with someone that I have had in a long time. I thought I would share it with you.
Me: “Well I guess they have a lot of Baggage”Shawnna: “Everyone has baggage”Me: “But see, it is only baggage, you just have to carry it. You don’t have to wear what is inside”Shawnna: “Well, sometimes you run out of things to wear”Me: “I guess”Shawnna: “It’s like that broken in pair of jeans, they may be dirty, but sometimes you have one of those days, and you love to wear them.”
This conversation was one of true genius I tell you. Well, ok, maybe not genius, but damn skippy if it wasn’t spot on!
I hope the future is well. I am having an amazing time in Los Angeles. It sure has been a quick two and a half months. I woke up this morning and honestly felt like I had been here much longer. It makes me think a lot about what I have left in New York. Not that I regret leaving anything, but I really notice that as I get caught up in the day to day of life, I forget to talk to some friends. I pay less attention to what is going on in New York. I actually have no idea what is happening in Hoboken. (And to think, I love Hoboken). I guess it is a natural progress of things. I can’t pay attention to everything I used to. However, I can’t take anything for granted either. I need to remember to focus energy on the things in my past that are important to me. I mean, it is the friendships I have developed, the things I have done, and the places I have been that have led me here, sitting on a chair, in my apartment, writing to you from Los Angeles.
I find that I have clung to things that have no meaning in the whole scheme of things. It is interesting how I have placed value on things that maybe didn’t have any value to begin with. At the same time, I think I have allowed myself to devalue things that actually should be much more significant in my life. Maybe I do this because it is easier that way. You know, if I don’t pay attention to the things that actually matter, I forget about them, and they then seem to have less importance. Out of sight, out of mind, people say.
The one great thing about friendship, however, is you can move past transgressions. You can move past insecurities and taking someone for granted, and rekindle that friendship. I hope I take a bit more time out of my week to make sure I do that. It is definitely a sobering experience to move away from all that you are comfortable with. However, I need to make sure I pay attention to what made me comfortable. I need to understand that my emotions, feelings, thoughts and desires are honest and that I can’t ignore them to try and forget them. That, I feel, is really just a “cop out”. I’d rather know I tried, than regret not trying at all.
I was going through a lot of things I have collected over the years, in particular I was looking at some photos. In those photos are past friends, past loves, past enemies and past ideas. One thing unites all of them: They have all influenced who I have become today. Now, do I need to keep all of them? No, and I am sure you are thankful I didn’t because you’d have to deal with them in the future. But, I do need to remember what they meant to me. I do need to pay attention to the events that shaped me. Why did I react the way I did? Why did I get angry that one time, cry that other time, laugh yet another time? What is it that has made me? What wishes have I made over the years that have come true, and what wishes have not.
As I experience all the new things here in Los Angeles, I need to put them with my past things. I can’t mentally shuffle my past under the rug. I hope this has helped you in your life in the future. I wish I could get answers from you on the future. I wish you could tell me, do I live in LA, do I get married, do I have kids, do I learn to surf, do I develop any disease, does anything amazing happen, anything tragic happen, do I make a lot of money, do I travel around the world? I know that you can’t and I appreciate that you won’t. The future will be everything I make of it, and happily that excites me like it has never done before.
????????I have be spending a bunch of time going through piles of junk I have saved over the last several years. You would think I was a crazy old man with the boxes of stuff I have kept. Let’s hope I never become one. Most of it is paperwork for things, you know, bills, statements and etc. But, the interesting things are the little pieces I have kept. Things from girls I once knew, friends I used to hang with, places I used to frequent. Most of it is meaningless, right to the shredder or garbage.
I never understood, however, people who don’t want to keep anything. You know, people who seem more comfortable without things of their past. I don’t think I ever will. I am the collective sum of all my experiences, and I am excited just by the thought of it.
Well, off to finish watching the Laker’s game - let’s hope they win. I’d hate to be living in a depressed LA!
Second day back from New York and I am sitting in my apartment after a very long day at work. Interestingly enough, I am glad to be back in LA. I was worried I would have this sense of anxiety about the return being that it was my first trip back. However, the trip was just what I needed. I was very happy to see my family and we spent some great time together. Being apart as I am makes me appreciate them even more. I got to see some of my friends in New York, and also went to a wedding (which I was in) in South Jersey.
My parents are in retirement mode. It is something I never really thought about because I think of my parents as young. But, reality hit me in the face when they said, “You’d better decide on what you want in this house, we are moving to Florida in a few years and anything you leave here we are throwing out or selling” I claimed everything of value, sorry Neal you should have been there. Actually, I let go of many things I had kept for years without hesitation. I guess over time you realize that most things you keep are not as important as you thought they were. For some reason I still have notebooks from my classes in college. Maybe one day I thought I would read them again. Keep up on my scholarly pursuits.
The wedding was fantastic. I was in the wedding party, we dressed in black tuxedos, complete with a top hat and tails. (Yes, I groaned when I opened the tuxedo case, but I think I looked pretty sharp in it) It was great to see so many friends as well. Friends I had not seen in years. My friend Nick was there, he too was in the wedding. His girlfriend is great and he seemed much happier than I ever remember. We all got together on Friday, first, for the rehearsal and dinner. Afterwards we hit Atlantic City - gambled until 4am and finally went to sleep. The wedding day was hot and humid - and it poured during the service. Not that I am superstitious, but I found it funny the lights flickered when they priest put the “greek crowns” on Joe and Maria. The reception is a blur, but I know for sure I had a lot of fun. I even caught the garter belt - which, to my surprise, made one of my college friends furious (maybe it was because his girlfriend caught the bouquet?) I am very happy my friend Joe asked me to be in his wedding. It means a lot to me and I will mark this wedding down as one of my favorites.
The plane flight home was an experience, but not because of the airline. This old lady behind me was so crazy. Her first words out of her mouth to the flight attendant were, “Excuse me, miss, this chair seems to be dirty, could you have someone come clean it for me, and while you are at it, please fill my water bottle with water”. Ten minutes later, she begun to empty and repack her canvas shopping bag over and over. I started to count how many times she did it, and got to 35 by the time “Definitely, Maybe” came on the in-flight movie. The funny thing is, she was immaculately dressed and had beautiful expensive jewelry on. Her last surprise came when she went to the bathroom. In the middle of her pee, poo, or what have you, she opened the door and yelled, “Can someone to bring me some new toilet paper, the one in the stall smells like shit” I don’t think I stopped laughing until we landed, 2 hours later.
So, here I am, back in LA. I am really looking forward to this weekend. All I plan to do is hit the beach, drink some beer and hang with friends. I do have a friend from New York heading to San Diego - so I might be there on Sunday - the first long(ish) road trip in California - I do hope we can make it happen. My cable comes on Friday - finally - Time Warner Cable has screwed up three times on my cable. The last was while I was in New York - they called to confirm my Thursday installation, you know, while I was in New York. Good thing I got the message and changed it back to the original date of June 6th. Wish me luck.
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), “All’s Well That Ends Well”, Act 1 Scene 1
I hope you, Neal, Mama and Papa are having a great Memorial Day weekend. Has Papa cranked up the tunes through the house? I always loved the long weekends where Mama and Papa would do things around the house, Neal and I would ride our bikes all over, and we would have dinner on the deck. I just spoke to Mama and Papa on the phone from my apartment in Los Angeles. They had just got back from the store, Mama is making guacamole, and Papa just got in the house from walking their dog Susie. I am traveling back on Monday, they already have our dinner planned, I am really looking forward to seeing them.
Are you excited for the summer? That three month break you have will be so much fun. When you get to Avon, NC this summer, try and be the dune jumping champion. What you do now will shape who I am today, and I really miss jumping off dunes in the summer on the beach. It is wonderful we have parents that are very caring and loving. Take this with you as you become older, it will be a guiding light. To love and care for your family, your friends, your girlfriends, your pets, and whatever else, is what will make you the most happy in life. You can only do this though, if you remember to always have a positive attitude and self confidence. I know, Mama says that to you all the time, and she is right. If you find yourself looking at the bad things more than the good, take a minute to look again and find the good things.
Now, no pressure, but all the choices you have before you, led me to Los Angeles. I am so glad I made them, and you will make them. Keep it up. Some will hurt, some will be annoying, and others will make you want to jump out of your skin in excitement. Savor each one for what it is. Never wish you were someone else, never put up a wall, never change your direction because you fear something. I know you won’t, I mean, I am here today, but I think it is important to remind you. You are the sum of your history and that is fantastic.
Also remember this, you are who I am now, even there, sitting at home with Mama and Papa. We judge things the same way, we need things the same way, we want things the same way. That is how you become an adult, you are able to do things better as you get older, because you realize that you can make conscious choices to change the way you react to something, and get the result you want in the end. By remembering you and only you control your feelings and emotions, you will find great comfort in standing strong and tall in the face of anything that comes before you
Well, time to take a shower and go meet some friends. Have a wonderful weekend with Mama, Papa and Neal.
Greetings from yourself. I hope all is well in LA. I am sure you are fine, but I think it might be time for a little feedback from my end, something that can help you get to where I am now. You see, life, as you already know, can throw a lot of shit at you. You’ll find it can be a lot of the same shit that gives you the most grief. However, you need to focus on the fact that at the end of the day you will come to a much deeper understanding of yourself and the situation after you deal with it. It won’t come right away, but it will become clearer as time passes. Most of the time you assume you should know how to deal with whatever comes your way. This is never the case. Each event in your life will require a different interpretation and a different reaction. This, however, is a good thing. If you blindly react to each similar event in the same way, you’ll wind up with a different result each time. Take time to react, be patient. More often than not you will find yourself happy with the result, and if you you don’t you will be happy it didn’t happen anyway.
I think it is great you have met a lot of new people. Some of them will remain your friends forever, and I still talk to them today. It is a wonderful experience living in Los Angeles that will make you a stronger and happier person. I know from experience that our choice to move to LA is one of the best we have made in our life. It is an adjustment, but learning to adjust is the best thing for you. The same thing applies to this experience as it does with other events, take a step back, look at the whole picture, be patient and react with the confidence you know you have.
I talked to Mama and Papa today, they are living large in Florida. Neal is doing well too. Don’t worry about the future, you can’t predict it, but you can set goals and dreams for it. Remember to look back at your past and see what you did and how you were when you make choices about your future. You are still that seven year old boy in essence. Everyone is still that child they were at one time, just “grown up”. Just remember, don’t run away from anything. I told you this before, it is an escape from your personal responsibility to yourself.
It is finally Thursday. This has been a long, stressful week. Hunter S. Thompson said it best: I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. I am heading to the beach tonight to hang out, have some beer, and watch the sun set over the ocean.
I am still quite shocked that I made this choice to move to LA. I thought I would get over the shock, you know, be an adult about it. However, it seems to crop up now and then and hit me in the face. It is the best choice I have ever made in my life though. I needed to do this. It will solidify in me that I can do pretty much do everything I set my mind to. It is a good feeling.
I am sitting in my apartment, in the “office”. Wires and boxes are around me, lots of things I need to get to. The rest of the apartment looks great, but I just can’t seem to finish this room. Every time I start I get annoyed with it and stop. I am in my seventh week here in LA. Emotionally it has been a bit of a roller coaster. I have met some great people, done some cool things, but I still feel a bit out of place. I figured I would feel this way for a while.
The weather is beautiful. Today was sunny and 78°. Tomorrow will be 94°! Most people I have spoken to say that from now until October it will be beautiful, with a few weeks here and there that aren’t so great - June Gloom and some hot weeks in July and August. But, how can you go wrong? No offense New York, but just thinking about the 100 degree humid weather in July, bouncing off the streets smacking me in my face and filling my nose with pungent odors makes LA seem that much better.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I miss New York. I am sure I am going to really miss it when I go back in a little less than 2 weeks. It will be my first time back since I moved here on March 30th. I will head into my old New York office, see my New York friends, spend some time with my family and go to a wedding. It will be a very busy week, but I am glad I am going. I know everything will go well, it is just the flight back I dread.
I have not really spoken to many people back home. I don’t think this is a conscious choice. I still have yet to adjust to the time difference with New York. I also think my friends have yet to adjust to it as well. It almost feels like we are living on different planes of existence. I have made some nice friends here, as well as having the good friends I know from before. I feel good that I have not let myself, as my grandfather used to say, “Stew” in my change.
The change of pace here is fantastic though. I have a very short commute (I know, not normal for LA). People are for the most part, nicer, though, I do miss an abrasive bump here and there. The weather is almost surreal. On Monday, the news said it would be gray and cool… It was 70° and the sun was out by 10am. I am ten minutes or so to the beach. I think the beach is the one place you can go when you feel alone, that makes you realize you aren’t. You look at that vast ocean and realize it leads to a continent with billions of people. Maybe on a shore some where in China there is some guy looking over to California, thinking the same things I am.
I have not had television in my apartment since I moved here. I finally ordered it now that I have my living room all set up. The cable guy comes next Friday. Took me long enough, but I do have to say it is nice to not be beholden to the tube. Part of my reasoning for not getting television right away was if I don’t know a lot of people I might find myself plopped in front of the TV because I have nothing else to do. I got the HD DVR, so LOST in HD - here I come.
My God Sister, Elizabeth, was diagnosed with MS this week. She has had a challenging life as she was born with CP. However, I could never be more proud than I am of her. She has developed into a wonderful, friendly, intelligent and motivated woman. I know this will be a tough time for her, and I wish I could be there in Philadelphia to see her. I hope the treatments they are starting this week will help reverse her symptoms, and that it can be managed and maintained in a way that won’t effect her life more then it already has.
If you come visit me here in LA there is this great place on the beach in Venice where I would love to take you. It is a “beer garden” of sorts and a great jolly place. I think I will be there this Saturday, but not too sure. Make sure you take a cab, you’ll be in no place to drive if you spend the afternoon there.
I assume it is only a few weeks into our journey to LA. Only I know what the future holds for you. Sorry buddy, I can’t tell you, it would ruin the fun. But, let me say this, you’ll love being in Los Angeles. You’ll have your ups and downs like everyone else, and honestly, that is what makes it even better. Remind yourself it is only normal to feel out of place. I mean, you spent the last 31 years of your life living within 100 miles of New York City. Now that you live in the land of Holistic Medicine and, well, people in general - let me quote a hoslitic medical doctor:
“Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure.” - Rachel Naomi Remen
I know you see this as an adventure, a way to expand on who you are and grow as a person. For that, I am proud of you. But, I need to remind you to be comfortable with this change. Understand that you will not know everything that lies before you, and you cannot control it either. However, embrace this fact, run with it, and live to experience the new things in your life. California is filled with beauty. California is filled with amazing places to go and things to do and learn. Your friends and family back home will mostly still be there for you. Understand, however, that not all of them will be. This is normal, this is reality, this is life.
Regret is not something you should focus on. There so many things you can regret and all they do is stop you from moving forward. You already have stopped yourself from making changes in the past. Even when you wanted to. Even when it felt right to do. You did this because you were worried about the regret and guilt you would feel. Some of those changes you did make, like when you quit working at Clear Channel Radio Sales, you regretted immediately. You said to yourself, “What now, I don’t have a job?”. But look at you now, you have a great job were people respect you and you respect yourself. Would you be where you are today if you had not made that choice? You and I will never know, but honestly, I think it was the best thing for you to do.
“When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.” - W. Somerset Maugham
That, my past self, is very important. You have the opportunity to make many new friends and introduce yourself to many new people. Don’t let yourself be fooled by personality, this is not always who the person is. Being fooled by personality is a sign of adolescence. Understand a person’s character before you make that person your true friend. I think you are pretty good at this anyway, but I thought it was important to remind you. You see it everyday, your friends have friends that take advantage of them. You scratch your head and wonder, why would anyone want someone so selfish and self serving as a friend? When choosing your friends, remember this feeling. Be cognizant of their character and be honest with yourself. It is ok to be picky. Actually, if you aren’t, you’ll start letting your life be controlled by others’ desires.
So, now that I have sent you a lecture in a letter, let me wish you the best of luck. I send you confidence, because I tell you I am doing well in the future. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Alexander
PS: This beach is right down the road from you, if you forgot…
My friend Diana, who lives here in Los Angeles, read that moving to a new place is one of the most stressful life changes anyone can make in their life. I have to agree. Though I am happy with my choice to move here, it has been an up and down roller coaster of emotions. Today, when I woke up, I actually felt like I was still in a dream. Reality hit when I was trying to navigate the traffic under the 405 underpass on Wilshire Blvd.
I certainly miss New York and Hoboken. I know I will be more comfortable with not being there over time, but right now I could really go for a Fiore’s sandwich or maybe a frosty brew down in the Village or at South Street Seaport.
So, with that, I am going to give my “Top Ten” things in Hoboken and New York. Now, remember, these are my “Top Ten” things, so tough luck if you think I am wrong.
Hoboken - Top Ten Things, in no particular order:
Fiore’s Mutz - The best Mozzarella this side of Italy.
La Isla - I could eat their Cuban sandwich everyday.
Helmer’s - Bratwurst and Beer, what could be better?
Maxwell’s - Great live music from big name acts, on Washington St.
So, now I need to discover the places I would put on my “Top Ten” list in LA. Anyone have any suggestions? I went to the Applepan (Awesome), Moonshadows (Hey Britney), The Beer Garden in Venice (Thanks Del), and I would say they rank high so far. But, I have only been here a little over two weeks (Don’t drink the double Margaritas at Cabo - they are potent), I might be quick to judge. Now that I am “back in the game”, I will be writing much more. Peace Bitches, it is time to have a beer.
Well - it is not an April Fool’s joke, I am in Los Angeles. I moved in on Sunday and spent my first day at work, today. This is a beautiful city and I am happy I am here. However, I still feel these deep pangs of “what the hell am I doing?” But, I know that this was the best choice for me to make. I do have a few things written that I need to post here on my “blog” so keep your eyes open for them. This Friday is going to be a tough day for me, it is the one year anniversary of my great friend Jimmy Lombardi’s death. For those of you who like reading what I write - thanks for being patient.
I will be posting again soon, when I have time, but I want those of you who are wondering to know, I am moving to Los Angeles. I will be at the end of March. The one phrase, “Holy Shit!” is going through my head, over and over.
I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.
- Sylvia Plath
Only two months ago, if you asked me, “Alex, what will you be thinking about on February 4th, 2008?” I would not have answered, “We’ll if you want to know, I am trying to decide if I should move away from all I know in Hoboken and New York, and head to Los Angeles.” I jumped on the opportunity to have this option in my life, but now that I have it, I don’t know what to do with it. Actually, if I know anything for certain, it is that I am damn glad I have a lot of music to listen to, and this blog to write in, because I might be up all night with anxiety.
I have spoken with my friends Jayme and Stefan tonight. I also spoke with my father. My mother, well, she is my mother, and she does not want me to go, period. Each one has given me some very good advice on making this major decision in my life. However, I am still far from being able to conclude if I want to do this. How am I going to be able to? For every argument for, I have a counter argument against. I am going to ask for a few more days to make this choice. I need to feel I am doing this for the right reasons.
I have not ate dinner yet, not even hungry. but I know I need to eat. So, I am ordering up some Lamb Vindaloo. Nothing better than some spicy lamb to help one think. The order has been placed, and I’ll be eating late. At least I can make a choice about food with convinzione.
