Dear Alexander,
I hope the future is well. I am having an amazing time in Los Angeles. It sure has been a quick two and a half months. I woke up this morning and honestly felt like I had been here much longer. It makes me think a lot about what I have left in New York. Not that I regret leaving anything, but I really notice that as I get caught up in the day to day of life, I forget to talk to some friends. I pay less attention to what is going on in New York. I actually have no idea what is happening in Hoboken. (And to think, I love Hoboken). I guess it is a natural progress of things. I can’t pay attention to everything I used to. However, I can’t take anything for granted either. I need to remember to focus energy on the things in my past that are important to me. I mean, it is the friendships I have developed, the things I have done, and the places I have been that have led me here, sitting on a chair, in my apartment, writing to you from Los Angeles.
I find that I have clung to things that have no meaning in the whole scheme of things. It is interesting how I have placed value on things that maybe didn’t have any value to begin with. At the same time, I think I have allowed myself to devalue things that actually should be much more significant in my life. Maybe I do this because it is easier that way. You know, if I don’t pay attention to the things that actually matter, I forget about them, and they then seem to have less importance. Out of sight, out of mind, people say.
The one great thing about friendship, however, is you can move past transgressions. You can move past insecurities and taking someone for granted, and rekindle that friendship. I hope I take a bit more time out of my week to make sure I do that. It is definitely a sobering experience to move away from all that you are comfortable with. However, I need to make sure I pay attention to what made me comfortable. I need to understand that my emotions, feelings, thoughts and desires are honest and that I can’t ignore them to try and forget them. That, I feel, is really just a “cop out”. I’d rather know I tried, than regret not trying at all.
I was going through a lot of things I have collected over the years, in particular I was looking at some photos. In those photos are past friends, past loves, past enemies and past ideas. One thing unites all of them: They have all influenced who I have become today. Now, do I need to keep all of them? No, and I am sure you are thankful I didn’t because you’d have to deal with them in the future. But, I do need to remember what they meant to me. I do need to pay attention to the events that shaped me. Why did I react the way I did? Why did I get angry that one time, cry that other time, laugh yet another time? What is it that has made me? What wishes have I made over the years that have come true, and what wishes have not.
As I experience all the new things here in Los Angeles, I need to put them with my past things. I can’t mentally shuffle my past under the rug. I hope this has helped you in your life in the future. I wish I could get answers from you on the future. I wish you could tell me, do I live in LA, do I get married, do I have kids, do I learn to surf, do I develop any disease, does anything amazing happen, anything tragic happen, do I make a lot of money, do I travel around the world? I know that you can’t and I appreciate that you won’t. The future will be everything I make of it, and happily that excites me like it has never done before.
Love,
Alex
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