Dear Alex,
Tell me, what made you wait so long to write? I’ll say this, I was worried you had decided to go it alone. I remember what you have been and will be going through, and I am glad you have written to me again.
I’d like to tell you that everything happens for a reason, and where I stand today is your destiny. However, it’s like this, if I tell you what’s going to happen, who’s to say you don’t change it. If I can tell you one thing it is this: make sure you look out for yourself in this situation. Whatever happens, you need to make sure that you are moving forward. It is much better to be proactive then reactive, especially in this time of uncertainty.
Take a step back, look at your surroundings again. Though I can not tell you what the next couple of weeks hold, I do know that if you are self confident and keep a positive mental attitude, you will come out on top, no matter where you end up.
You don’t need to give me a run down of everything that has gone on since we last wrote, I remember. I don’t want you forget, you are the sum of all your experiences. Though this does not mean you are destined for a certain fate, meant to experience a certain event, or are travelling along a predetermined path.
All of your choices are yours and yours alone. So, maybe what you need to be looking for is an answer to the question “Why did I do this?” instead of “Why did this happen to me?” You chose to end your relationship, you chose to move to LA, you chose to continue to work for a company you knew was dealing with financial trouble, these events were not thrust upon you.
Have fun in Los Angeles, enjoy yourself and all the many opportunities there. Who knows, you may wind up living there for the rest of your life, or you may be back in New Jersey before you know it. Stand tall through your personal anxiety, stand tall through your companies troubles, stand tall in the good and the bad. When you do, you will come out taller in the end. Remember, your character is your value. If you invest in a strong, positive, compassionate and intelligent character nothing can stop you.
Love,
Alexander
Dear Alex,
Greetings from yourself. I hope all is well in LA. I am sure you are fine, but I think it might be time for a little feedback from my end, something that can help you get to where I am now. You see, life, as you already know, can throw a lot of shit at you. You’ll find it can be a lot of the same shit that gives you the most grief. However, you need to focus on the fact that at the end of the day you will come to a much deeper understanding of yourself and the situation after you deal with it. It won’t come right away, but it will become clearer as time passes. Most of the time you assume you should know how to deal with whatever comes your way. This is never the case. Each event in your life will require a different interpretation and a different reaction. This, however, is a good thing. If you blindly react to each similar event in the same way, you’ll wind up with a different result each time. Take time to react, be patient. More often than not you will find yourself happy with the result, and if you you don’t you will be happy it didn’t happen anyway.
I think it is great you have met a lot of new people. Some of them will remain your friends forever, and I still talk to them today. It is a wonderful experience living in Los Angeles that will make you a stronger and happier person. I know from experience that our choice to move to LA is one of the best we have made in our life. It is an adjustment, but learning to adjust is the best thing for you. The same thing applies to this experience as it does with other events, take a step back, look at the whole picture, be patient and react with the confidence you know you have.
I talked to Mama and Papa today, they are living large in Florida. Neal is doing well too. Don’t worry about the future, you can’t predict it, but you can set goals and dreams for it. Remember to look back at your past and see what you did and how you were when you make choices about your future. You are still that seven year old boy in essence. Everyone is still that child they were at one time, just “grown up”. Just remember, don’t run away from anything. I told you this before, it is an escape from your personal responsibility to yourself.
Love,
Alexander
PS: Hit the beach more.
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Dear Alex,
I assume it is only a few weeks into our journey to LA. Only I know what the future holds for you. Sorry buddy, I can’t tell you, it would ruin the fun. But, let me say this, you’ll love being in Los Angeles. You’ll have your ups and downs like everyone else, and honestly, that is what makes it even better. Remind yourself it is only normal to feel out of place. I mean, you spent the last 31 years of your life living within 100 miles of New York City. Now that you live in the land of Holistic Medicine and, well, people in general - let me quote a hoslitic medical doctor:
“Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure.” - Rachel Naomi Remen
I know you see this as an adventure, a way to expand on who you are and grow as a person. For that, I am proud of you. But, I need to remind you to be comfortable with this change. Understand that you will not know everything that lies before you, and you cannot control it either. However, embrace this fact, run with it, and live to experience the new things in your life. California is filled with beauty. California is filled with amazing places to go and things to do and learn. Your friends and family back home will mostly still be there for you. Understand, however, that not all of them will be. This is normal, this is reality, this is life.
Regret is not something you should focus on. There so many things you can regret and all they do is stop you from moving forward. You already have stopped yourself from making changes in the past. Even when you wanted to. Even when it felt right to do. You did this because you were worried about the regret and guilt you would feel. Some of those changes you did make, like when you quit working at Clear Channel Radio Sales, you regretted immediately. You said to yourself, “What now, I don’t have a job?”. But look at you now, you have a great job were people respect you and you respect yourself. Would you be where you are today if you had not made that choice? You and I will never know, but honestly, I think it was the best thing for you to do.
“When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.” - W. Somerset Maugham
That, my past self, is very important. You have the opportunity to make many new friends and introduce yourself to many new people. Don’t let yourself be fooled by personality, this is not always who the person is. Being fooled by personality is a sign of adolescence. Understand a person’s character before you make that person your true friend. I think you are pretty good at this anyway, but I thought it was important to remind you. You see it everyday, your friends have friends that take advantage of them. You scratch your head and wonder, why would anyone want someone so selfish and self serving as a friend? When choosing your friends, remember this feeling. Be cognizant of their character and be honest with yourself. It is ok to be picky. Actually, if you aren’t, you’ll start letting your life be controlled by others’ desires.
So, now that I have sent you a lecture in a letter, let me wish you the best of luck. I send you confidence, because I tell you I am doing well in the future. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Alexander
PS: This beach is right down the road from you, if you forgot…
